Break this bittersweet spell on me. [entries|friends|calendar] Nikki [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Confused. [Thursday January 18th, 2007 @ 7:40pm] Lately I have been rethinking quite a few things. My relationship. I am still with Josten. I am really not sure if he is exactly what I am looking for in a long term relationship. I have been with him for about three years now so it's a bit too late to be second guessing anything. I just feel like I should let out my true thoughts on this to help release myself. There are times he really pisses me off. There has been two times I have told him to go home and it's over with, neither of those times he took me seriously. He always says "I moved here for you." which he knows makes me back down in the end. I just want to be happy for once, relationship wise. I know this is stupid but I want someone who will accept me for me. Mind, body and soul. Ever since I have been with Josten I have done shit. I used to go somewhere every day, now I don't do anything at all. Before I was working on my schooling and drivers license, now I am not. It seems when I started dating him I got really lazy. It's like I took over his personality as my own. I want to feel loved by someone. I want the feeling of being held and kissed by someone who actually gives a damn. I want someone that can hold a conversation and isn't going to get mad if they are wrong. I want someone that is willing to do things, have fun and isn't afraid to spend money but knows when it's enough. I want someone who will surprise me with little stupid things. I want someone who will tell me my art is wonderful even if it is horrible. I want someone who I can mess around with without getting pissed. I want someone who doesn't mind me being jealous, picky and a perfectionist. I want someone who will respect my opinions and thoughts. Someone who will spend time with my family, do things with them. Someone that isn't rude and self centered. Someone who doesn't judge by physical appearances but by the soul and heart. Someone who isn't scared to cry. Someone who is a romantic at heart. From what I see, I will never find what I am looking for. Bittersweet(+2)Spell

*Takes Deep Breath* [Wednesday December 27th, 2006 @ 1:55am] Get ready for a entry of nothing but bitching and ranting. If you don't want to hear it then just click the cute little "x" up in the right corner. For the past few months my Uncle Randy in Wisconsin has had many problems. Cancer all over his body, loss of fluids and tumors. Now, my family over there are all assholes - careless, heartless bitches. My Aunt Pam and Cousin Dasia are the main people over there with the attitude problems. So, during this whole time of my Uncle in and out of the hospital in pain and not being able to even move out of his chair, Dasia did shit to help him, her own father. She maybe seen him once a week to ask him for money (Nice right?). So this past time Uncle Randy was in the hospital, a few weeks before Christmas day, Dasia never once went to see him. After a week of being in the hospital is when the doctors found out he had a tumor on his heart which would give him about a week to live. Dasia found out and gave two shits about it. She went to visit him, asked him for money and then when he wouldn't give it to her - stomped out of the room. So a week later they find out he only has a week to live at the most. They went to open him up because he was bloated with what they thought was fluids, finding out it wasn't and had to close him up right away before he lost more fluids. In the mean time, Aunt Pam is up to her normal shit and so is Dasia. Sticking together, backing each other up for there shit and caring about themselves. Two days before Christmas he got even worse. The tumor on his heart was for certain irremovable and nothing could be done about his cancer. The doctors then said he had no longer than 37 hours to live. That was the best day for Dasia. She found out that day that all her dads things go to her and her mother (Randys ex - who is also a bitch). Randy had so many of our family items which STAY IN THE FAMILY. But we all knew right away it was all going to be thrown away, not kept in the family and disregarded and placed as junk. She was all happy, not caring her father was on his death bed. That day was also the day my Aunt Pam was the biggest BITCH ever. Her and her "clan" decided they where going to unplug Uncle Randys breathing supply and just let him pass away. But here is the clincher. The only reason our family over here knows they where going to unplug his breathing supply was because of my Uncle in Los Vages. The only reason he knew about it was because he called the hospital asking if Aunt Pam and everyone was over there because no one was answering there phones. So the hospital told him they where unplugging it and he called grandma. My Aunt Pam wasn't even fucking planning on telling my grandma here. That is her fucking brother and she talked to him just about twice a god damn day. If anyone had the right to know it was her. But no, being the bitch she is she didn't even think about talking to her about it. So they pulled it - he kept hanging on. Christmas came and we spent the day at my grandmas house. Everything was going all good and everything, until we got a phone call. Uncle Randy passed away (R.I.P Uncle Randy). The thing that bothers me is that he passed away around people that could give two shits about him. What a way to go. Knowing your daughter doesn't care about you, knowing your close relatives don't care about you. How sad. Today comes and mother was talking to me about when the funeral is and what not. She then tells me about what Dasia did. She got the house keys changed so no one can get inside but her and Aunt Pam, took Uncle Randys Jewelry and pawned it for money and took his sports car. Can we say HEARTLESS BITCH!? Who in there right mind would think about taking and pawning items of there relatives - let alone fathers, the day after they passed away? Seriously. I never liked Dasia and this only give me that much more of a reason for her being on my hit list. I already told my mom. No one over there is invited to my wedding other than my great grandma. They can all go to hell after the shit they pulled. Am I wrong to be so pissed? I don't think so. Bittersweet(+4)Spell

[Tuesday December 12th, 2006 @ 7:42pm] [ music | Slipknot - Scissors ] Today is one of the worst days I have had in a long while. I feel like crawling in a corner and staying there. Atleast I would be alone and wont have to deal with everyones leftover bullshit. It started yesterday when my mother got pissed at me for not being able to get the damn dog in the house. It then spilt over into this morning. Mother got pissed because I didn't wash a blanket. Why didn't I? Because there was three fucking other ones done. Mom and I then get into a huge fight. After about an hour and a half of nothing but yelling and her thinking I am going to just go with what she says, I try to wake up Josten. He wont get up and tells me to shut up. Nice right? Just what I need after a long fight with my mom over nothing! I am getting tired of being everyones shit hole. 'Nicole is nice and doesn't talk back, lets give her all my problems and blame them on her just to make myself feel better!' Well you know what, no. I am tired of it. I don't mind helping people, but being nice all the time just doesn't cut it anymore. It seems once someone finds a 'shit hole' they abuse it. Sure, vent on me but don't fucking blame your shit on me because I am actualy nice enough to listen to your fucking problems. Maybe I should just become some hardcore bitch and push everyone away. Maybe then I wont have to deal with this shit. Sounds nice. Bitchy Nicole or 'shit hole' Nicole? Eh, no compatition. Bitchy Nicole it is! Spell

The Wedding/Reseption [Tuesday October 31st, 2006 @ 1:59pm] [ mood | dorky ] [ music | Fuel - Innocent ] The 27th - Day Before The Wedding We had to decorate the church and hall for the wedding the next day. We got to the hall around 10 a.m. thinking we could decorate it. Once there, we found out we had a major delema, they over booked our hall and another parties hall. Everyone, mostly Angelas mom, was pissed. After about an hour the owner came in to talk to us and the other party. He was a major asshole. Right when he walked in, he had about 15 women on his ass. His first responce was "Didn't my office call you?", followed by "Was it in your contract you could come decorate today?". Oh, you have no idea how pissed that made everyone. Angelas mother stepped up and started bashing on him, clenched fists and all. She told him we all took the days off of work because he promised us all we could decorate the hall, we even had it written on paper. He said "Leave your stuff in the clothes closet and we can decorate it for you.". Well, how in the hell would they know how we want the hall decorated? How stupid was that. So Angelas mom responded with "No, I want to come in at one in the morning and do it myself.". "Well, the party wont be over then ma'me.", he said. Then Angelas mother responded with, "Two in the morning! I want the fucking hall cleaned by two in the fucking morning and I will be here. If you don't open for me you can bet I will have channel two here in the morning!". He looked at her like she was stupid, but I agreed and told her I would come help and so did a lot of other people. Anyways, after about two hours of argueing with his stupid ass, we went to the church, finished that then went home. The 28th - Wedding Day I did not get any sleep last night, only because I had to decorate the hall from 2 a.m. - 5 a.m. Once I got home, there was no point in falling asleep because mother and I had to leave at 8 a.m. to go with some of Angelas family to get our hair done. I stayed up and watched a few movies, then we left at eight to Angelas grandmas house to meet the others. Once we got to the salan (Which was where Angela works) I was the first to get my hair done. It was nice, acording to everyone else, lol. After about three hours everyone was finished with their hair and leaving. By the time we got back home, it was about 12 in the afternoon (Three hours until we had to leave for the church). Josten and I got into a bit of a argument, I cried, talked to my mother and she fixed everything. At 2 we started getting dressed and ready for the wedding. I was getting excited, but dreading walking in those 5 inch heals, ouch. I did Jostens hair, got dressed and was ready about 15 minutes before we had to leave. At about 3 p.m. we got to the church (The wedding starts in one hour). A bunch of people I haven't seen in forever came. I was so happy to see them. The only person I was dreading to see was Shelly, who is my fathers friend who claims she is my dads girlfriend (Long story). I introduced everyone to Josten, went to see Angela getting dressed. She looked so pretty, and my brother - damn - he looked really nice also. The wedding started at 4. Yes, I cried. I cried right when my brother walked out, lol. I was and still am so happy for him. When the cerimony was over, the first four rows got to great the bride and groom. When it was my turn, I told Angela she looked pretty and welcome to the family. I walked to my brother and gave him a hug and told him he looked really nice, he gave me a kiss! After about 15 minutes people started heading to the hall for the reseption. The Reseption This was so much fun. I danced a lot, lol. A slow dance with my father, a slow dance with about 6 other people (Long story) and about 4 slow dances with Josten :) Also, I did a lot of other dances with Cheri, Bob, Shelly and a lot of other people. It was so fun. Yes, Nicole Dawn Harper danced infront of people, lol. Twords the end of the reseption Josten dedicated a song to me. He actualy went by the DJ and spoke into the micraphone infront of people. He dedicated: Poison - Every Rose Has Its Thorn. :) Aww, it was so cute. Angelas family and mine got along very good, I was happy about that. I went around to all the people on our side with the video camera and made them say something to Chris and Angela. Well, my grandpa, who never crys, said to my dad on camera "Randy, you have been a wonderful father to the kids. Thank you very much." Well, while saying that he started to cry..then my mom started to cry. I was surprised at that. The whole wedding and reseption was so much fun. I will never forget it. Also, my moms friend from school Teri came with her husband. Her husband has his own business with Web Designing and also teaches it. My dad got his card and is going to try and get him to teach me and also get me into his business! I am so excited like woah. I might actualy have a good job coming for me, one that I wont have to worry so much about money with like I would with a stock job. Bittersweet(+1)Spell

[Tuesday October 24th, 2006 @ 2:14pm] I guess it is about time to update this stupid thing. My brother is getting merried soon. Am I happy for him? Yes, but..I don't like her. I guess as long as he is happy than so am I. They just found out their baby is a going to be a boy (Randon Nicholas Harper). :) When my dad found out the baby was going to be named after him, he flipped, he was speechless. Me and a few of my friends have been hanging out more together. It feels good to get out, let me tell you, lol. Sara is the best, I love her to death. Sara, Josten, Mike, Kati, Justin and I are all going to some Holloween party this weekend at Mikes friends house. I guess he said a few people I know from Ford will be there. I am kinda woried about that, lol. Hanging out with your best friends has to be one of the best feelings, besides sex, haha. Sara and I where thinking about going on a trip together to a few nearby states to take photos. She is so good at photography. She had a few of her photos used in advertisments. Maybe her talent will rub off on me sometime soon. =P Oh my god..Justin is fucking crazy as hell. We where all walking to the library just for the hell of it and there was some older man walking a ugly ass dog. Well, Justin went up to him and started to hit on him hardcore. The funny thing is, the old man seemed to like it, haha. Once we got to the library, we didn't stay long because Mike and Justin where acting up, like always. Sara and I made them leave before we got kicked out and embaressed. =P Anyways, this past week has been awesome and it's time for me to go! - Nikki Spell

[Friday August 18th, 2006 @ 1:30am] [ mood | tired ] [ music | The TV buzzing. ] I dare you... to tell me the truth.. ..be honest and think about your answers Six things you wonder about me 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. Five things you like about me 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Four things you don't like about me 1. 2 3. 4. Three of my best features 1 2. 3. Two things you want to do with me 1. 2. One question for me 1. Spell

[Tuesday August 15th, 2006 @ 2:30am] [ mood | Sore - Tired ] Yeasterday around noon I got back from camping at Higgens Lake. It was fun at times but also boring. There was a bunch of people there this year, we had five sites with people on them. It was crazy. We where the last ones to get there, so had the last pick of the lots (We ended up with a decint one anyways). Kenny, my dads' friend, ended up bringing his 16 year old neice. Oh-my-fucking-god was she annoying. Have you ever wanted to just reach over and strangle someone, just because they spoke-their voice being so annoying. Well, yes, that is how I was with her. She thought she knew everything, and not to mention she was a little whore. All she did was chase, yes chase, guys down the road and by the beach (she said she had a boyfriend back home). Eh. Well, other than her and me wanting to kill her, we went swimming and that was about it. Hung out by the campfire. Second day Josten and I woke up at 4 am. We decided to go down by the lake and hang out there for a bit. I decided I wanted to go play on the slide. Well, that was a very stupid decision. Being next to a lake and with it being 4 am with no sun out yet, the slide and playset was damp. I went flying down the slide, flew off the bottom and landed right on my ass. It fucking hurt, but of course being my stupid self, I started laughing. I found out I brused my tail bone really bad. It still hurts to even move. After everyone woke up, we talked a bit and went swimming, went out on Scotts' (My dads buddie) boat, ate and hang out by the fire. Josten and I decided to take a shower, and decided to have a little fun in the process ;). We went to our tent, had some more fun (hehe) and then fell asleep. About every single day we did the same ol' thing, with a few moderations of course. We went to Nibbles (A ice cream place down the street) twice. They are awesome, not to mention they have a really cute guy that works there and I see him every year ;). I got burnt, like always. I never tan-it pisses me off. Josten and I had a few arguments. He was getting so annoying, complaining that he was bored and wanted to go home (Three days in). He told me he doesn't want to go next year and that I wont beable to either because I will have a job then. I was like "Well, I can take a few days off. I come every year." Me saying that started a big thing about how jobs don't let you take days off and blah blah blah. So I was like 'fuck it' and started ignoring him. I swear, sometimes he can be very childish, yet he tells me I am the childish one. During the vacation, I was starting to think to myself 'I really wish I would have brought big Amber instead.' My dads' friend Nick came this year. He lost so much weight since the last time I seen him. He said he was on Atkins. So I asked him a bit about it and decided I wanted to try it. Seriously, he lost 75 - 100 lbs. in 6 months. How crazy is that. Watch out, in a year I will be skinny! haha. Naw, I just want to be acceptable and liked by people, lol. I really don't care otherwise. On the way to Higgens I found out my dad has a Myspace, lol. He said he is useing it to find himself a "girly-friend", lol. How cute! =p Anyways, he is added and is my first friend on my list. He is one strange cookie, but I love him all the same. =p Anyways, all n' all, Higgens was pretty nice. I just wish I didn't hurt my ass, didn't get burnt, that stupid girl would have drowned or something, and Josten and I didn't argue as much. Good Night! I am so fucking whooped. Bittersweet(+2)Spell

[Tuesday July 18th, 2006 @ 2:04am] [ mood | tired ] [ music | Bush - Inflatable ] I guess it is about time to update, hm? lol. Nothing really new has been happening. I think I sprained my wrist, I guess you could call that intresting, lol. Josten and I have been doing great. We get into little arguments alot, but makeing up is the best =p ha. My brother is going to be a father in Feb. sometime. Good thing he will be in a different state, I wont have to babysit then, lol. I still hate Angela (his girlfriend) all the same. She honestly can rot in hell and I would care less, perhaps jump for joy. Amber, there is some things I have been wanting to talk to you about. I know you told me you don't like to hear this, but I am going to say it once more. You have really changed, for both the good and bad. You are with a wonderful guy, Brian, and I can't be anymore happy for you. I love it how you finaly found someone who respects you and you enjoy spending time with. Someone who treats you how you are ment to be treated. But, ever since you have been with Brian you have picked up some bad habbits which I wont mention, you should know what I am talking about. Those are what makes me feel like we are splitting apart. I love you to death Amber, and it really makes me upset watching you do some of the things you have picked up. Do they really make you truely happy? If so, then...okay. There really isn't much I can say. It seems like the only time we get to hang out is an hour before you go to Brians or inviteing me to a party. I just wanted to let you know that I love you and I really don't want to lose you as a friend, best friend, and that it hurts me watching you do some of these things (and yes, sometimes pisses me off simlpy because I know you are better than that). You are a wonderful person Amber. At some points I really don't think you know that, or believe it. That is about it. I really need to get out more to give things to update about, lol. Bittersweet(+2)Spell

[Monday June 19th, 2006 @ 1:27am] [ mood | bitchy ] I have a few things to say and get off my mind, so here it goes. Yesterday (Sunday) I woke up and my mom called me into the kitchen. She started saying some crap I really didn't listen to simply because I was half asleep still. Well, all of a sudden I heard "You might be a Aunt." I was like 'What the fuck?'. Yeah, Angela my brothers little whore girlfriend is pregnant with my brothers kid. No I am not happy, I really don't like her much. She is better than Vanessa, yes, but that means shit. Angela has no respect for anyone but her and my brother, she is a bitch to me and Josten and does NOTHING to help out here since she lives with us now. I plainly don't care for her. My mom then proceded to tell me that they are engaged also. Yeah, I was not too happy by then. I did not want to be a bitch to my mom about it and there really isn't much I can do or say, so I just said "Oh." and went back downstairs. So, in about 8 months I am going to be a Aunt *Woopie*. We then went to go to Party Jacks (Where my mom works) like we do every Sunday. On the way there my mom told me that Monday night she is taking me to practice drving for my lisence so I can get a job. Cool right? Well no, not knowing the fact that I have been asking her to take me for over a month so I can get a job. But now that that stupid *ugh* is having a baby I need to get a job and help out. Yes I get my mom will need help money wise, but what the hell. She has been having money problems for a while now, why all of a sudden is it different and will take the time out to get my lisence? Oh, the baby *Woopie*. Before when I asked her to take me she said "I have to work from 9 am to about 10, I can't take you today maybe tomorrow." or "It is my only day off I want a break sometimes." But now she is willing to take me tomorrow when she works until 10 p.m. at night to practice driving. I am not to happy about that either. Not to mention she started ragging on me that I didn't have my lisence yet. Well HELLO! you would not take me to practice, when do you plan I get my lisence? Anyways, that is all. Cyas all. Bittersweet(+2)Spell

[Friday May 19th, 2006 @ 1:32am] [ mood | sore ] The doctor called today (Thursday) and left a message for me to call her back. I had my mom call her and threw the test they took the previous time I was there, they found out I have Mononucleosis (Mono). I wasn't exactly sure what it was so I looked it up a bit. This is what I found out: - It is an infection caused by the EBV virous (Epstein-Barr virus). - EBV is common to everyone. - Not everyone who was exsposed the the virous developes symptoms. - One you are exsposed to the EBV virous you will carry it the rest of your life even if they never show any signs. - You get Mononucleosis threw shareing saliva with someone who has the EBV virous. - The symptoms are: Constant fatigue, Fever, Sore throat, Loss of appetite, Swollen lymph nodes, Headaches, Sore muscles, Larger-than-normal liver and spleen, Skin rash and Abdominal pain. - There is no cure. - Mononucleosis last about 3 - 4 weeks of being contagous. - Antibiotics will not help, in most cases it will cause a rash. - The best thing to do to get better is rest when your body feels tired and eating, even if you don't feel hungry or your troat hurts. - Do NOT take Aspirin. It can cause Reye syndrome, a disease which can lead to liver failure and death. - Do NOT lift heavy things or do any sports due to your inlarged liver and spleen. An enlarged spleen can rupture easily.<\b> Anyways, that is what I learned about Mono. I am not too excited about having it, but oh well. The sad thing is, it says you can get it back now and then threw your life. Which I was thinking, isn't it possible to pass it on to your children? Passing it on as in giving birth to a child with Mono. I really hope not. And also, this must be really easy to pass on from person to person. Just think of how many people actualy have it and don't know simply because they never show signs. The doctor told me I should only be contagous for about two more weeks and then it should be 'gone'. I am suposed to rest a lot and take it easy. Now I need to try and explain to Josten that I am suposed to sleep alot, when my body is tired. He has been getting on me about sleeping 9 and up hours the past few weeks. Well, now I actually know why I have been sleeping so much and I can tell him. I am just happy they finaly know what is wrong, even if it's Mono. Anything is better than not knowing. :) Bittersweet(+2)Spell

[Wednesday May 10th, 2006 @ 3:17am] [ mood | sore ] Nothing new has really been happening here. I have been sick, like I have been on and off the past two or so months. It always seems to be the same problem also, it's odd. I had to go to the doctors on Monday, woke up at 9 am, blah. I have really bad soars in my mouth, about 9 of them. The doctor doesn't know why I keep getting them and why they seem to get worse everytime they decide to reapear. She has me on so many things right now. I have to mix two liquid meds. together and dab them on the soars with a q-tip, I have to take two types of pills twice a day, dayquill and I also need to swish around some poroxside in my mouth. That is, what, 6 things? Nice huh? She said if they don't go away within a few weeks I have to go back and they will take some blood and do some tests to see what is up. The thing that really sucks is I can't eat or drink anything. It hurts to swallow water, hurts to chew so therefor no food for Nikki! The most I ate in about 2 weeks was a thing of jello, which killed swallowing. I am so hungry. :( My knee, well that is still the same, but now I can't even pop it back in place by myself let alone move my leg when it pops out of place. I have Josten do it for me. He poped it back in place about a week ago, and he said he felt it move into place and it made a loud pop noise. He said it was nasty, lol. Other than that, nothing really is new. Bittersweet(+5)Spell

Stolen From Amber [Wednesday April 26th, 2006 @ 3:12pm] [ mood | amused ] [ music | Crossfade - So Far Away ] Your name: __________ What's my middle name: __________ Where did we meet: __________ Do I believe in God: __________ How long have you known me: __________ Do I smoke: __________ What was your first impression of me: __________ Color of my eyes: __________ Do I have any siblings: __________ What's one of my favorite things to do: __________ One of the first things I said to you: __________ Who's my favorite band: __________ My favorite color: __________ Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules: __________ What's your favorite memory of me: __________ Any special talents: __________ If there was one nickname for me, it would be: __________ If you and I were stranded on a deserted island, what would I bring: __________ Am I a Myspace whore: __________ Do I like Coke or Pepsi: __________ Hospitals or Cemeteries: __________ Is there an evil twin living in me: __________ If you could change my name, what would you pick: __________ Do I drink alcohol: __________ Am I a major dork: __________ Do I have a crush on you: __________ Do you have a crush on me: __________ And Last But Not Least..: Do you love me: __________ Bittersweet(+3)Spell

[Friday April 21st, 2006 @ 9:26am] [ mood | -sigh- ] I have been pretty good these past few days, other than my knee. I seem to keep poping it out, and now when I sleep I can't have it in one spot too long or it will hurt like a mother fucker. My brothers new girlfriend is annoying as hell. Simple as that. Josten and I have been doing great. I love him a lot. Like I have said in the past, he does have aspects of him I don't like, but I am sure there is some things about me that arn't perfect (I know for a fact) no one is. The past few days he has made me so happy. I do feel lucky to have him in my life. :) To Amber: I don't know why you don't want to talk to me anymore. I tried talking to you on your new account name, which I know I had right because I copied and pasted it, and you tell me it wasn't you. Now, either someone was on your account or you just don't want to talk to me? I don't know what I did to make you hate me. I know we don't talk much anymore but you are never on and you keep changing your cellphone number, I don't know what one is right anymore. Not to mention you are always gone, which is fine, but I do miss you. The only way I talk to you now is threw Livejournal. Sad. Well, if I did something I would like to know. Untill then I guess I wont bother you. Bittersweet(+7)Spell

[Saturday April 1st, 2006 @ 6:32pm] [ mood | Hangover ] My brother has a new girlfriend now. Her name is Angela and I guess they went to school together at Ford. I hate her, but I will get to that in a minute. She is a little better than Vanessa but not by much. She is a druggie alcoholic little crack whore. So, to why I hate her. Last night my mother made me a drink that had ice, wine cooler and oranges mixed in a blender, sorta like a slushee. That stupid whore decided it needed some wisky in it as well, so Chris put some in. I drank it, was fine. I went to go have what was rest of what mom made, and Chris put more than half the glass with wisky. I drank it, yes. It was horrible but it made my throat feel so much better, and me being sick with whatever for the past three weeks I would do anything for it to feel good for a while. I was fine after I drank it, a little out of it but not much at all. Angela decided I needed to go hang out with her and Chris in his room, so I did. After that, I remember nothing at all. I was told I had 12 shots of straight wisky with no chaser. Guess who kept giving me the wisky? Yeah that whore. I woke up today with the worst stomach ache, headach and I was so dizy. Anytime I stand up I have to throw up, nice huh? I want to go upstairs and puke on her. I was told by my brother and Josten that I was so messed up drunk. I made up a nickname for my brother I guess. Gopher. I guess at the time it sounded like Christopher. I was told Chris went to kiss Angela and I was like "Gopher...Gopher...eh he is too busy digging in her hole." Yeah, lol. Josten also told me he was making Mac n' Cheese and I wanted to test the noodles, you know, by throwing it on the wall if it sticks it's done. Well, he got a very hot noodle on a spoon and I grabbed for it and freaked out because it was so hot. Josten said he was about to fall over it was so funny. He said I also blurted out in Chris' room "Josten's horney." when in turn I guess I was the one horney, lol. He said I was all over him and biteing and yeah. There was some other things I was told I did but I don't feel like typing anymore. I am not feeling good so bye all. - Nikki Bittersweet(+10)Spell

Kill Me Now (no really I mean it.....) [Wednesday March 22nd, 2006 @ 11:21am] [ mood | sick ] [ music | The Heater in the Basement ] These past two weeks have been horrible for me. I have been sick the whole time with, I have no clue what. My throut is swolen, My glands are swolen, I have had a headache 24\7, Ears, Soar on my inside of my lip, Stomach, My skin hurts, Cold, and not to mention my damn knee and leg. I went to the doctors yesterday morning and they made me get some X-rays done on my knee. The bones are all good but she thinks I have a loose muscle somewhere or a tendon. I have to now go to Physical Therepy and take about 3 pills. The reasons I needed X-rays done on my knee is because my Left Knee has been poping out a lot( About 5 times a month) and this last time it poped out (About a week ago) it affected my whole leg badly, to the point I don't get any sleep. I am really tired of being sick. I mean, two whole weeks of being sick and it is not getting any better. It is starting to piss me off. These pills better work for something. I am tired of getting no sleep over pain in my knee/leg and being sick. Anyways, I am going to go lay down a bit. Hopefuly I get some sleep (Yeah right). - Nikki Bittersweet(+2)Spell

Tattoo BITCH! [Sunday February 26th, 2006 @ 1:01am] [ mood | amused ] [ music | The Damn TV. ] Today I went and got my first tattoo. It was so kick ass and it felt so good. The guy there who did it was awesome as well, so funny and down to earth. He told me it was going to hurt a little bit, so he took the needle with no ink on it and drew a smily face on my arm to show me what it feels like, and I was like "Nope, that feels really good." so he decided he was going to find a spot that would hurt on my wrist, well lets just say I have a few pokes on my arm, lol. I so want another one. It felt so good, didn't hurt one bit. :) - Nikki Bittersweet(+3)Spell

Eh.. [Thursday February 23rd, 2006 @ 8:08pm] [ mood | disappointed ] [ music | Josten playing his PSP ] Today Amber and I where going to go get our tattoos, but that didn't seem to happen. I was so excited too. I guess Amber's mom needed to take her Uncle to the doctors or something, I don't know. This always seems to happen, like how Amber and I where supposed to get our very first tattoo together, we talked about it all the time, but that didn't happen either. I guess there are things that mean a lot to me, but not her. She is my best friend and to get our first tattoos together like we had planed for a long time would have been awesome, but she ended up getting three without me. So, back to today, she told me she was coming on her way, so I went up stairs and got all dressed and everything, then I stood outside like I normally do when we do something together. I waited out there for over twenty minutes, so I got very cold so I decided to wait inside. Josten woke up and I was like "Hurry up and get dressed before Amber gets here" and he then told me about the whole thing about her Uncle. I understand, it is very important for someone to go to the doctors when needed, but I don't get what her mom taking him has to do with her? Did your mom need your car? I don't know, but I really think I was just blown off again. It's fine. I will just get my tattoo some other day, or wait until Josten is 18 so we can get our first ones together like he wanted, that would be nice :). The thing that bothers me, honestly, is that Amber seems to promise we will do something together, like we where supposed to see a few movies for the first time together, but it never turns out that way. I hate getting my hopes up and then, yeah. Not a great feeling mostly when it's from your best friend. On a happier note, I am so happy for Amber and Brian :). He seems like a awesome guy and I am so happy she found someone that loves her in return unlike Paul. Still haven't meet him though, but oh well. As long as I know he makes her happy it's fine. Anyways, Congratulations! :) - Nikki Bittersweet(+2)Spell

[Monday February 20th, 2006 @ 4:46pm] This Thursday Amber, Brian, Josten and I are all going to go hang out. Amber and I are getting tattoos! I am so excited. I am getting, I think, a small black heart on the side of my wrist. That is unless someone has a better idea, but I do want it on my wrist. I am also excited about meeting Brain, lol. He seems cool. Well that's about it. Love, Nikki Spell

To Amber. [Tuesday February 14th, 2006 @ 6:12pm] Hey, I just wanted to know Josten and I are going to your party, if it's ok? But the problem is we need a ride there and back. Get back to me when you can. - Nikki Bittersweet(+1)Spell

[Monday February 13th, 2006 @ 4:12pm] Amber, I REALLY NEED TO TALK TO YOU. It is very importent, well it is to me. Please call me or talk to me on AIM or something, I need to talk. - Nikki Spell

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